Trust God’s Plan

Soundtrack – Chirping Birds Outside My Window

It has been a while since I sat down to “write write” what I’m feeling and downright battling with. Recently I started reading the Bible again. At first, I was using my actual Bible but that became a bit tedious, so I transferred to the Bible Application on my cell phone. The truth is I use my phone all the time and I needed to make bible study easy for me. It feels crazy to say that using a physical Bible was a barrier for me but it’s the truth; at least at this stage in my walk with Christ.

I remember as clear as day the first time I heard God’s voice. Then the second time he revealed my ancestor, maternal grandmother, to me. Both times I was desperate for guidance. Both times I was strapped with fear and nowhere else to turn. After my ancestor was revealed to me I became a bit cocky and arrogant in my walk with God. To some degree I turned my back on saying Jesus and only referred to Him as Lord or God. That’s it. What do you know? I find myself in a situation where I feel lost again, not lost in a sense that life is tough, or my back is against the wall or anything like that but in the sense that spiritually I am hungry for God’s word and his direction for my life. 

Recalling a recent visit to church when the Pastor said something along the lines that God will not come to us as he did before and that we will not need Him in the same way as we did before. At that moment, I realized those words are true in my life. I have been looking for God to speak to me in the same ways he has in the past but the truth is I haven’t stuck with how He has been speaking to me in the last 2 years. 

All this to say, I have been avoiding making any movement towards my own passion projects. 

• Coin Coach LLC – a business I started back in 2018 around personal finance. I was coaching folks 1:1, then I built a 4-week curriculum to offer to the local Tulsa community. When I started this company, I was in survival mode. I felt as though I NEEDED to get away from / avoid poverty. I was still running and running fast. 

Then I co-produced Standing in Love: Tussling with Hard Truths. I received so much healing and freedom from this project. I was finally able to release myself from an identity I’d created out of a need for survival. At that point I didn’t know who I was anymore. I didn’t know my purpose anymore, but what I did know is that Coin Coach LLC felt less like something I needed or wanted to do. Rather something I simply knew (know) how to do. Which leads me to…

• Janey Nemard (LLC?) – a hobby that allows me to find my voice and reveal my deepest and most inner thoughts. A place where I can share reflections of healing, love, joy, and overall growth. The good and the not so good. This isn’t about making money or even starting a business (hence the question mark around LLC). For a long time, I’ve struggled with sharing and cultivating my voice. Here is where I get to do that. 

So here I am, finding myself in a position of avoidance. Avoiding either one or both of these projects. No financial curriculum writing, business plan development, or promotion of any kind on media platforms. Simply not wanting to do it and falling behind on executing. With Janey Nemard, I want to do it so badly like there is something that needs to come out. The problem is, I’m struggling to trust what God has placed inside of me. Almost as if I am not trusting his decision to call me to this platform.

Trusting God’s Plan,

Janey Nemard

P.S.

I wrote this about 3 months before the launch of this site. Even though this website is live I still feel these words today.